


Lost and Confused

by jwolf_11209



Category: Twilight - Meyer
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, M/M, Mpreg, Romance, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-04-19
Updated: 2010-04-19
Packaged: 2017-10-09 00:54:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jwolf_11209/pseuds/jwolf_11209
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He stared at the other boy in disbelief. And only when he took in the look on Jacob's face did he realize that the other wolf must have imprinted too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, and situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

He could feel his connection to everything around him breaking. His ties to the world becoming centered around one person. Everything and everyone around him disappeared until the only thing he could see or hear or feel was Paul. Who was staring at him, disbelief the only emotion Jacob could distinguish on the other boy's face.

These sudden feelings he had for Paul were extremely disconcerting. What the _hell_ was going on? Was this some kind of screwed up wolf thing? Before his change, he hadn't even liked Paul! The other wolf was quick to anger, fighting at the smallest of provocations. And he was just naturally unapproachable most of the time.

But maybe that was only because Jacob didn't know him very well. He hadn't really liked any of the wolves before he became one of them. Hadn't liked the way they walked around acting like they owned the place. He understood now that the pack deserved the respect they got. It was their job to protect the people of La Push, and they took it very seriously.

Jacob shook himself mentally, trying to rid himself of these strange new emotions, but they wouldn't leave! He walked toward the other wolf, unable to stop himself from drawing nearer. His whole body was pulling him toward Paul, and he couldn't resist the call.

He was only vaguely aware of Sam trying to get his attention. But his body wasn't responding to anything but the constant tug that brought him closer and closer to Paul.

But then Paul seemed to snap out of his stupor, and the other wolf quickly backed away from Jacob. He continued forward, unable to deny his craving for the other wolf. And then Paul was running away, not once looking back as he hurried to get away from Jacob.

***

_Hell, no!!! I did not just imprint on Jacob! I don't even like guys, so why the hell would I imprint on one?!_

He stared at the other boy in disbelief. And only when he took in the look on Jacob's face did he realize that the other wolf must have imprinted too. Only Jacob wouldn't have any idea what was happening, as he had only recently shifted for the first time. He hadn't been told all of the details concerning what it meant to be a wolf.

This relationship could _not_ happen, though. Paul wouldn't let it, he decided. He would reject Jacob and just not let anyone know about his own imprinting. He would just have to avoid thinking about it when he was in wolf form. Nobody would ever have to know.

He would have to avoid Jacob too, though, or the other wolf would be able to figure it out. The smell of arousal was something that couldn't be hidden, and Paul knew that attraction was a part of imprinting. Especially when both parties were teenagers.

He snapped out of his thoughts as Jake stepped towards him. Oh, no! He was _so_ not letting Jacob come anywhere near him until he had this all figured out. He quickly backed away, unable to think of anything to do except to run away. Which was normally the_ last_ thing he would do in any situation, but he couldn't let the others find out about his imprint.

He turned and dashed into the forest, not stopping until he was no longer able to hear or smell any of the other wolves. He didn't shift, since he knew he would be unable to sensor his thoughts at this moment.

This didn't make any sense. Imprints were supposed to be a way to continue the bloodline, to make sure the wolves didn't die out. Why would he and Jacob have imprinted on each other? What possible reason could there be for that?

Paul walked through the forest, trying and failing to stop thinking about Jake. Some invisible force seemed to pull him back in the direction of his imprint, but he ignored it, continuing to walk further and further away.

He didn't know where he was going. He only knew that he couldn't be near any of the other wolves while he was so confused. They would wonder what was wrong with him, and if they pestered him he would get angry and shift. Paul couldn't afford to shift right now, when his emotions were all over the place. He would give something away, and he wanted to avoid that at all costs.

He made his way home, just wanting to go to bed and forget this had ever happened. Maybe he would wake up to find this had all been a terrible dream. Somehow he doubted he would be that fortunate, though.

Paul climbed through his bedroom window, not wanting to deal with his parents. They would just piss him off even more, and he didn't need to deal with their crap on top of everything else right now.

He would have moved out of this house long ago if he had the money to. He didn't get along with his parents at all. His father was a drunk, always looking for an outlet for his anger. Most of the time Paul's mother got the brunt of it, but the bastard had been known to slap Paul around too, when he got bored with hitting a woman who wouldn't fight back.

That had been before Paul had become a wolf, of course. His father had stopped going after him when he proved to be too strong and fast for the man to get any hits in. Nothing like beating the weak to make yourself feel strong…at least that seemed to be his father's opinion.

Paul hated to see his mother being treated the way she was, but he couldn't do anything about it. He had tried to help her once, and she had turned on him, yelling about how it was none of his business and his father loved her and needed her and blah, blah, blah.

It was all a load of shit as far as Paul was concerned. His father didn't love anyone but himself. He drank to drown out the pain of losing his first son. He hated Paul because he reminded his father of the son he used to have. And he beat his wife to make himself feel strong, because his inability to save his first-born son made him feel weak.

Paul didn't even remember his older brother. He had died when Paul was young, and his parents rarely spoke of him. The only reason he even knew anything about his brother was Billy Black. The man knew what Paul's home life was like, and he had tried to explain his father's behavior, however wrong it was.

It was inexcusable to beat your wife and son, but Billy had wanted him to at least know _why_ his father was so horrible. It had been an accident, but that didn't stop Paul's father from blaming himself. His father had been driving through an intersection, and some idiot had run a stop sign and slammed right into the passenger side of the car. Paul's brother, who had been sitting in the back passenger seat, was killed on impact.

Billy would have helped him to get out of his parents' house, but Paul didn't want anyone else to know about his situation, so he had refused.

And so here he was, sneaking around in his own house so no one would notice he was there. At least they weren't yelling right now. Paul hated it when his parents fought. He found it weird that his mother had no problem screaming at his father, but once the hitting started, she just stood there and took it. That was why he no longer had any respect for her.

Paul lay on his bed, trying to forget about his situation, his parents, everything in his life that sucked. And now this fucking imprint just made everything seem worse. The only thing he had felt good about in a long time was his ability to shift. It made him strong and fast and he was able to help protect his tribe from their enemies. At least he would be if they really _had_ any enemies.

The Cullen's fit that description technically, but the vampires didn't even live in Forks anymore, and even when they had, they hadn't done anything to hurt the Quileute's. The family of vampires who had lived in Forks apparently didn't feed on humans, and they had stayed away from La Push. As long as they never broke the treaty, Paul didn't see anything bad happening.

He almost wished something like that would happen, though, if only so he could take out his anger on someone who deserved it. Paul didn't want to turn into his father, but sometimes his temper got the better of him. At least he was able to fight with the other wolves without seriously hurting anyone.

Which brought his thoughts back to Jake, for some unknown reason. Jake had never seemed the type to anger easily, but he was different now. The other wolf didn't like the changes he had gone through, and he blamed the vampires, even thought they were no longer around. There wasn't anyone else to blame, really, since they were created to kill the _cold ones_. But the change in personality was startling.

Paul hadn't ever been close to Jacob, which must be the reason he hadn't imprinted sooner. But before the other boy had become a wolf, he had always been smiling and laughing, the bright smile never leaving his face. It didn't seem right to see him so bitter and angry.

He pushed those thoughts away. He wasn't supposed to be thinking about Jacob, he reminded himself sternly. And it would be much easier to push the thoughts away if Jake wasn't so damn likable. Even with the bitterness.

***

He watched Paul until he was no longer visible, confused beyond belief. None of this made any sense. Why was Paul running away from him? Did he know what was happening?

Jake looked to Sam, wondering if the leader of the pack would be able to explain what the hell was going on. But he looked just as confused as Jacob was. Probably because he couldn't do the telepathic thing when they weren't in wolf form, Jake reminded himself.

"Would you mind telling me what is going on, Jacob?" Sam asked, still looking beyond confused.

"Um…" Jake started, unsure how to explain something so bizarre and not knowing if he even wanted to. What would Sam say about him suddenly having feelings for another boy? One of his pack members? Jacob had no idea, but didn't see any way out of telling Sam. The man would know as soon as they shifted whether Jake told him or not.

"I don't really know what happened. Me and Paul were just looking at each other and then it was like all I could see is him," he started, feeling stupid for having to say all this out loud. "And then I just felt this pull towards him, like my body wanted to be closer." He shrugged, not sure what else to say.

But Sam didn't look confused anymore. Jake would say he looked surprised more than anything else. _Well, at least he doesn't seem to be angry._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other wolf was avoiding him, and it hurt. It was a pain in his chest that didn't stop, and Jacob couldn't help but wish that this whole imprinting thing would just go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, and situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

Imprinted. Jacob had _imprinted_ on Paul. He still didn't completely understand what that meant. But apparently he and Paul were meant to be together. Soul mates. He could feel the connection, always pulling him in the direction of his imprint.

But Paul didn't seem to want anything to do with him. The other wolf was avoiding him, and it hurt. It was a pain in his chest that didn't stop, and Jacob couldn't help but wish that this whole imprinting thing would just go away.

Things hadn't been great for Jake _before_ the whole thing with Paul had happened, and now it was just getting worse. He wasn't supposed to see his best friend anymore, and couldn't tell her what was going on. Jake didn't like that she was being hurt because of something he couldn't control.

And that was another thing that confused him. He had been in love with Bella, and now all his overwhelming feelings for her were gone, as if they had never existed in the first place. Not that it mattered, since Bella didn't have the same feelings for him, but he still didn't like it.

In fact, he _hated_ it. Hated that his situation now seemed so similar. Paul didn't seem to want him. Bella didn't want him. Nobody wanted him. And it made him even more bitter than he had been before.

It didn't help that Paul's rejection hurt even worse than Bella's ever had. It made him realize that his feelings for her hadn't been as strong as he thought. She had never been the center of his universe. It had never been physically painful to be away from her, never felt this crushing pain in his chest because of her.

Jacob sat against the base of a tree, trying to figure out what he should do. There really weren't many options, according to Sam. And the alpha knew from personal experience what Jake was going through.

He thought about all the things Sam had told him about imprinting, not knowing how he could make this work. The pain would increase with each day he spent without his imprint. He would get weaker, and that would make him vulnerable.

Jake couldn't let that happen. He would have to find a way to see Paul, to be near him. Even if the other wolf didn't want to be his everything. Even if they could only ever be friends. Jake needed at least that much, and he would make sure he got it. He had to.

He stood, his mind made up.

***

_He stared down into warm brown eyes, reluctant to look away. The body beneath him radiated heat, even more so than usual. Hands traveled over Paul's back and down to his ass, massaging sensually._

_He brought his head down to claim a kiss, wanting to taste those full, pink lips. He slid his tongue along the bottom lip, wanting a better taste. The mouth below his opened instantly, and he took the invitation, caressing the inside of that mouth with his tongue._

_But that wasn't enough. He wanted to taste more, wanted to kiss and lick his way over every inch of skin on the luscious body lying beneath him. Paul made his way down, feathering soft kisses over the strong jaw and then down over the throbbing pulse point._

_He continued his downward journey, admiring the smooth russet skin as he went. Nipples hardened as he moved his lips over each of them, pausing to give a quick nip to each one. The moan he got from that action had him doing it once more before moving on to defined abdominal muscles._

_He traced each one with his tongue, loving the strength those muscles conveyed. The hard organ pressing against his chest had him moving again. Paul nuzzled the smooth crease between thigh and groin, delighting in the pleasured gasp that came from his lover._

_Paul eyed the cock standing erect before him, so hard it was pulsing. He moved closer, wanting to bathe that sweet organ with his tongue. He traced each vein, committing to memory the things that caused his lover to make such arousing sounds._

_His attention wasn't held for long though. Paul removed his mouth from the dripping cock, hearing the disappointed whimper coming from above. The disappointment was short-lived though, as he laved the soft, wrinkled sack hanging just below that tasty cock._

_Mmm…he was getting closer to the dark, musky scent he loved so much. He move further down, stroking the sensitive taint with his tongue, growling with pleasure at his lover's sharp cry. He loved the noises he could bring forth with just a simple touch. They had his cock leaking like a faucet, without even being touched._

_He stopped then, urging his lover to hold his legs up out of the way, against his chest. Paul's hands caressed the beautiful ass before him, his thumbs spreading the cheeks so he could see that hot, dark hole. He rubbed his thumb over it gently, groaning when it caused the entrance to twitch and his lover to moan._

_And then his tongue was circling it, loving the musky scent and tangy taste. He continued with teasing licks until the hole was winking at him invitingly, then he pointed his tongue, wanting to be inside._

_Paul's lover pushed back against his face, obviously enjoying the darkly erotic act. And then he was being asked, _begged_, for more. He couldn't resist that low, husky voice, and so he sucked three fingers into his mouth._

_Once they were nice and wet, a finger was brought to his lover's entrance and slowly pushed in. The tight heat was almost overwhelming, and Paul couldn't wait to get his rigid erection in there. The preparation went fast, his lover's body eagerly sucking his fingers right in._

_He spit on his hand, making sure his cock was coated liberally before moving to rub the head teasingly against the eager entrance. But his lover seemed to be short of patience, trying to push his body down onto Paul's waiting erection. Paul pulled back, staying just out of reach of that tempting hole until he couldn't stand it anymore._

_And then…_

A door slammed, instantly awakening Paul. He looked down at himself, grimacing at the sweat coating his body and the hard, pulsing dick between his thighs. His heart was pounding, his breathing shallow and quick.

He groaned, so aroused that he couldn't keep from touching himself. His cock jerked when he wrapped his hand around it, and Paul gasped at the intense pleasure moving through his body. That dream had seemed so _real_, and Paul couldn't get it out of his head no matter how hard he tried to think of something else.

It had been three days since the imprinting incident, and the dreams had come every time he allowed himself to sleep. It didn't help that Jacob had actively been seeking him out, undoubtedly in as much pain from the separation as Paul was.

He was having trouble remembering why he had wanted to stay away from his imprint in the first place. All he knew was that he wanted Jacob; wanted to be near him, to hold him close and never let him go.

But no, he didn't like being dependent on someone else for his happiness. And he didn't like that he wanted to give in to Jacob, because his imprint's happiness was more important to him than his own. He wanted to let Jake get close and get to know him. He wanted to tell the other wolf things that no one but Billy Black knew about him, about his home life.

He couldn't focus on those things now, though, because his body was being consumed by the heat of his desire. His erection had not abated, and Paul could think of nothing but Jacob's warm brown eyes and hard, muscular body.

He caressed himself, closing his eyes and trying to bring back his dream. He imagined himself right where he had left off, poised at the entrance of Jacob's body. His mind drifted, and he lost himself in the fantasy.

_He pushed in slowly, pausing to let the muscles adjust to his intrusion. This time he didn't tease, and he didn't back away when his lover impaled himself fully on Paul's cock. Paul groaned, taking hold of Jacob's hips to stop any movement._

_He was close to coming just from the feel of his cock surrounded by Jake's tight, scorching heat. He wanted this to last, so he could savor it. It felt so right to be with Jacob in this way, to be connected to him both mentally and physically._

_Jacob's voice pleaded with him, soft and husky. "Fuck me…Paul, you need to _move_!" And there was no way Paul was going to ignore the need present in his lover's voice._

_Paul leaned forward, moving his mouth over Jake's stomach and chest as his hips set up a slow, deliberate rhythm. He felt the vibrations of Jacob's moans and whimpers, making him want to move faster, harder, but he resisted._

_He moved up further, capturing Jake's mouth with his own. The kiss mimicked their movements below, with Paul's tongue moving in and out of Jacob's mouth, hotly stroking the inside._

_Paul changed his angle, searching for that sweet place inside his lover that would make him soar. And then he found it, and loved the sounds Jake made when he continued brushing over it, over and over until his lover screamed, coming violently between their bodies._

_The sight of Jacob's orgasm, along with the muscles rhythmically squeezing his cock, was enough to trigger Paul's orgasm as well. He groaned, holding his body rigidly above his lover's until his arms gave out, and he collapsed on top of the slick body beneath him._

"Fuck…" Paul came out of his fantasy, unable to believe how real it seemed. Now it was going to be even harder for him to stay away from Jacob. He wanted to be inside Jake for real, and it was hard to justify his refusal to get close to his imprint when he was feeling so sated.

The yelling brought him out of his thoughts, and back to the real world. The world where his father was a drunken bastard and his mother was a cowering fool. The world where he hid from his pack mates, not wanting them to pity him for his unfortunate situation. The situation that he kept himself in, which made him almost as stupid as his mother.

And that was the real reason for Paul's rejection of his imprint. The reason he continually denied, even to himself. Jake didn't deserve to be stuck with someone like him. Someone with anger issues, who would probably end up just like his father. Paul didn't want that to happen, but sometimes he just couldn't control himself. And he didn't want Jake to be put into the same position as Paul's mother, who chose to be continually abused instead of leaving her husband, whom she loved regardless of his actions.

Logically, Paul knew that it would never happen. That he could never hurt his imprint in the same way as his father hurt his mother. But that didn't abate his fear, not at all.

***

Jake lay on his bed, trying to ignore the growing ache in his chest. He didn't understand what was so bad about him that Paul refused to even be his friend. And he had made sure to tell Paul that if friendship was all he was willing to give, that Jake could live with that. But no, Paul hadn't even acknowledged his words.

They had been running as wolves, the whole pack together. Obviously the rest of the pack was aware of his imprint, having seen both his and Sam's recollections of it in their minds. Paul completely ignored him, and he kept his thoughts on specific things so that the pack was unable to hear his feelings on the matter.

But it was obvious enough to everyone by the way he acted how he felt. The other wolf made sure to stay far away from Jake whenever it was possible, and ignored him when it was not. Jake felt bad that his suffering was inflicted on his pack through their mental link, but he couldn't push the raw emotions down.

They had recently started showing up at his house, trying unsuccessfully to keep his mind away from his imprint. But it was probably a good thing when people came over, because Jake couldn't even summon the energy to eat when he was left alone with his thoughts.

He hadn't been sleeping well either, always being woken by either nightmares or wet dreams. In his nightmares he saw Paul, telling him how unworthy he was to be his mate, how he wasn't good enough, not for anyone. And coming from Paul, those words could bring Jacob to his knees. Just thinking about his imprint saying things like that to him, made his eyes fill with tears, his heart seizing in pain.

He rolled to his side, his arms wrapped around his chest, trying to make himself believe that Paul's imaginary words weren't true. But it didn't work, it _never _worked. Which was why his eyes had dark shadows beneath them, and his expression was set in a permanent frown.

Jake didn't know how much longer he could go on like this. He didn't want to live with this pain everyday, knowing that he wasn't good enough to deserve a chance to be with his soul mate.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Paul needed someone to talk to, someone to help him figure out what he should do, but he didn't have any close friends. There wasn't anyone in the pack who knew about his parents, and without that information, they wouldn't understand his decision to stay away from Jake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, and situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

It was too much. Staying away from Jake hurt more than anything he'd ever felt before. He kept telling himself that Jake would be better off without him, but he couldn't ignore the sharp pain in his chest, like a knife digging a little deeper every time he refused his body's plea to go to his imprint. The knife twisted a little more sharply every time Paul thought of the hurt swimming in Jake's eyes when Paul had refused to be his friend.

Sometimes he found himself walking, with no idea of where he was headed until he realized that his body was pulling him toward his imprint. It was so hard to make himself turn back around. Hard enough that by the time he got back home his breathing was labored, his body drenched in sweat from the effort to keep from going back in the direction of his imprint.

More than anything, it was his nightmares that kept him away from Jake now. In them, he could see them together, fighting. And then Jake's tear-soaked face pleaded with him to calm down, to keep control of his body. Fearful eyes begged Paul to stop, to just stay away, but he advanced, quivering with anger and looking about ready to explode.

Bruises marred Jake's beautiful skin, healing before Paul's eyes but still noticeable. Jake huddled in a corner, trapped between the wall and Paul's tense frame. Paul heard nothing but Jacob's choked voice begging Paul not to hurt him anymore. Wondering what he had done to deserve Paul's uncontrollable anger.

He didn't know what to do. What would be better for Jacob? He knew his imprint was suffering right now, at least as much as Paul was. Probably more, since Paul had rejected him, had pretty much forbidden Jake from seeking him out. But wouldn't it hurt more if Paul ended up hurting his imprint in other, more violent, ways?

Paul wished there was some way to know he would be able to control his anger around his imprint, some way to be sure he would never hurt Jake the way Paul's father hurt his mother. Being away from Jake was painful, but it was nothing compared to what Paul would feel if he broke Jake's spirit. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if Jake turned into someone who flinched every time someone touched him, afraid that they were going to hurt him. It wouldn't matter that few people would actually be able to physically hurt him. It was more a psychological thing.

Being afraid of the person you loved made trusting others even more difficult. Jake shouldn't have to deal with something like that, ever. Paul didn't want his imprint to know first-hand what Paul had watched throughout his childhood, between his parents.

Paul walked through his house in the direction of his bedroom, ignoring yet another shouting match between his parents. The fists hadn't started flying yet, but judging by the slurred words spewing out of his father's mouth, they would soon.

He threw himself down onto his bed when he reached his room, turning on his stereo to drown out his parents' angry words. His mind was cluttered with conflicting thoughts about his imprint, and Paul just lay there, trying to sort everything out.

Paul needed someone to talk to, someone to help him figure out what he should do, but he didn't have any close friends. There wasn't anyone in the pack who knew about his parents, and without that information, they wouldn't understand his decision to stay away from Jake. The only person who did know about Paul's parents was Jake's father, Billy, and there was no way Paul was going to seek _him_ out.

So it was back to wondering. What would Jake want him to do?

***

This was such a bad situation. Billy had been staying out of it, hoping his son would be able to figure things out for himself, but it wasn't going well. Jacob didn't seem to be handling rejection well, especially when it came to his imprint. But that was to be expected considering that Jake would do whatever was necessary to make Paul happy.

Unfortunately, Paul had told Jacob that he didn't want any kind of relationship with him, so Jake was staying away. But Billy didn't think that Paul truly wanted Jacob to do as he said. Billy knew that Paul was a good kid, despite his temper. The anger was mostly a defense-mechanism, meant to keep people from getting too close.

Paul didn't want anyone to find out about his home life, and he did whatever he had to do to keep people from finding out. That was probably part of the reason Paul was rejecting Jake, but Billy thought there must be more to it than that.

He had decided that it was time to take matters into his own hands. He couldn't continue to sit back and watch his son sink further and further into depression and do nothing. Jacob was getting weaker by the day, and his lack of appetite and restless nights were making things even worse.

Putting his thoughts into action, Billy grabbed the phone, wondering who he should call to give him a ride to Paul's house. There were plenty of people who would help him out, but Paul wouldn't want anyone poking around in his business, so Billy would have to find someone who would listen to him when he told them to wait in the car. And it would have to be someone who knew about the wolves, which limited his options considerably.

Billy knew that Sam would bring him, happy to have someone trying to get his pack back together. But the pack leader wouldn't be able to just wait outside. Sam was too angry with Paul for rejecting Jacob, even knowing how special an imprint was, and knowing that he was causing Jake extreme pain. So Billy would have to think of someone else.

Maybe Harry Clearwater would bring him? He was a Quileute elder and would understand Billy's reasons for going to see Paul. And he would respect Billy's decision to go into Paul's house alone. With that, Billy dialed the Clearwater's house, anxious to get going. He didn't know how long Jacob could go on the way he was, and he needed to see Paul as soon as possible.

He didn't have to wait long before Harry was pulling up outside the house, jumping out of his truck to help Billy get in and laying his wheelchair in the bed. And then they were on their way over to Paul's house, and Harry didn't even argue when Billy asked him to stay in the truck as they pulled up in front of a modest home with an unkempt yard.

Harry, of course, reminded Billy that he might need help getting out of the truck and into his wheelchair, but the other man knew what Billy had been talking about. There were no steps leading up to Paul's front door, so once Billy was situated in his chair, Harry left him alone to make his way to the house.

There were no other vehicles in the drive, so Billy assumed Paul would be the only one home. He hoped he was alone, otherwise Paul would probably be much less likely to let Billy into the house. He knocked on the door and waited, hoping that Paul would answer. If he didn't, Billy might just have to let himself in, rude as that would be.

But the door did open, and a tired-looking Paul stood looking out at him from just inside the door. Billy was surprised to see that Paul looked worse than Jacob did, if that was even possible.

His arms were wrapped around his chest, as if that was the only thing he could do to hold himself together. His face was dewy with sweat, his eyes sunken with dark shadows beneath. Eyes that usually snapped with anger were now dull, and Billy couldn't even imagine feeling the depth of pain visible within those eyes.

Paul stepped back out of the doorway when he saw Billy, not even trying to deny him entrance. That right there showed how much the separation from Jacob was hurting him, even if Paul was unwilling to admit it and fix things. Billy was determined to find out Paul's reasons for staying away from Jake, because there must be a good reason if Paul was willingly subjecting himself and his imprint to such intense pain.

Billy rolled himself inside, and after closing the door, Paul led him into a sparsely furnished living room. Paul sank onto a worn couch, closing his eyes and laying his head back. Billy just watched him for a few minutes, waiting to see if Paul would say anything. And then he got right to the point.

"Why are you doing this to yourself, Paul?" Billy asked, genuinely wanting to understand the other boy's refusal to enter into any kind of relationship with another person. He was sure he knew some of the reasons, but he wanted to hear it from Paul. "Why would you turn away from something that has the potential to make your life so much better?"

At first Billy thought that Paul wasn't going to answer, and when Paul finally spoke, Billy had to strain to hear his broken whisper. "I don't want to hurt him." And that was not what Billy had expected to hear, because didn't Paul know that he was already hurting Jacob, just by staying away from him?

But then Paul continued, and Billy didn't have such a hard time understanding anymore. "What if I end up exactly like my father, and I hurt the one person who means everything to me?" Paul was looking at Billy now, and the pain and self-loathing Paul felt was astonishingly apparent in his gaze.

"I couldn't live with myself if I turned Jake into someone like my mother. Someone like _me_. Unwilling to leave me because of his feelings for me, or unwilling to let anyone help him because he's embarrassed. I don't want to drag him into a situation like mine. He doesn't deserve to live the kind of life that I have, and I don't want him to get hurt."

Billy met Paul's eyes, waiting until he was sure he had the boy's complete attention. "Paul," he started, unsure that he would be able to make the boy believe him. "You _are not_ your father. You are not anything like him. If you were, you wouldn't be tearing yourself apart trying to protect the one you love. You are much stronger than your father could ever hope to be, and I am sure that you would never hurt my son."

Billy put every ounce of conviction he could muster into his words, determined to make Paul believe him. He would never have come here if he thought Jacob would be better off without Paul, and he had to make the boy see that.

Paul stared at him, his warring emotions obvious. But he still looked unsure, and that was confirmed with Paul's next words. "How do I know that I won't turn into him? I just get so angry sometimes that I can't control myself. How do I know that I'll never lose control when Jake is too close?"

"I think Jake knows enough not to get in the way of an angry wolf, Paul," Billy said, trying not to sound too exasperated. Paul just didn't get it! Paul would never be able to hurt Jacob in the same way as Paul's father hurt his mother. It just wasn't possible with a bond as strong as the one between them. But maybe that was what Paul needed to hear.

"How do you feel about Jacob, Paul?" Billy asked, figuring he already knew what the answer would be. He needed Paul to understand the depth of his and Jacob's connection, though.

"He's everything to me," Paul answered immediately, but that wasn't all. "I can't stop thinking about him, and even when I'm able to sleep, I dream about him. My chest aches when I'm away from him, and my body is always trying to pull me towards him, even when my head says to stay away."

"How do you think you could ever bring him pain, when the only thing you want is for him to be happy in the end?" Billy asked, watching Paul closely for any sign of comprehension.

"The only reason you keep him at a distance, is because you don't want him to get hurt. Has your father ever even hesitated to bring you or your mother pain? Do you think he's ever thought about what he's doing to you and your mother? Does he see the damage he's done to both of you?"

Paul shook his head. "My father doesn't care about anyone but himself," Paul stated, sounding completely confident in his assessment.

"And knowing how much you care about Jacob, how could you ever think you could cause him pain? Unless, of course, you think you're doing it for his own good," Billy added, thinking about the way Paul had treated Jacob recently.

The boy's eyes looked suspiciously wet, and Paul turned his head away from Billy, obviously unwilling to let anyone see him cry. "He still doesn't deserve someone like me," Paul said, his voice tight. "He shouldn't have to put up with my issues. You know how fucked up I am, Billy! I can't control myself when I get angry, and I have a hard time trusting anyone. What if he decides I'm not worth it?"

Billy shook his head, sadly. Paul apparently had no idea what Jacob was going through right now. "You wouldn't be saying things like that if you had seen my son lately. Do you know he has nightmares? Almost every time he manages to fall asleep, he wakes up whimpering or crying. I can hear him talking in his sleep. Do you know what he says?" Billy asked, almost unable to keep the anger out of his voice as he thought about his son's pain.

Paul shook his head, and he was no longer even trying to hide his tears. His lips trembled, and Billy was willing to bet his throat was too tight to even speak.

"Almost every night I hear him, crying out 'Why don't you want me, Paul? What is so wrong with me that nobody wants me? Why am I not good enough?' And do you know what the worst part of it is, Paul?" Billy continued, not waiting for an answer. "The worst part is that he won't believe anyone when they say it isn't his fault, that he _isn't_ the reason you won't be his friend. He won't believe me when I tell him there's nothing _wrong_ with him."

Paul was sobbing now, his arms wrapped tight around his chest, his face buried in his knees. Billy hadn't wanted to cause Paul anymore pain, but it was the only way he could think of to get the boy to understand what he was doing to himself and Jacob.

Billy rolled closer to the couch, putting a soothing hand on Paul's back. "I want you to move out of this house, Paul. Staying here is just going to make things worse. Letting you live at my house and stay in Jacob's room might raise a few eyebrows, but I don't think it would be good for either of you to be away from each other anymore. Will you let me help you this time?"

***

Nothing could have prepared him for a conversation like this. Paul stared at Billy through blurry eyes, unable to believe that the man was offering to help him so much even after he had hurt Jake so badly.

He hadn't meant to cause Jake so much pain, had thought that he was doing what was best for the other wolf. But Paul now knew how wrong he had been. How could Jake ever think that there was something wrong with him, that he wasn't good enough? Paul was the one who wasn't good enough. Jake deserved someone who wasn't so fucked up, who didn't have such a shitty life. Jake deserved someone who could bring back the bright smile that had constantly lit Jacob's face before he became a wolf, and Paul was sure that he wasn't that person.

But he wasn't going to refuse Billy's offer this time. Not when Jake was in pain, not when that pain was all Paul's fault. He had to fix the mess he had made, and Paul would do whatever he could to make Jake see that he was more than good enough.

Paul made a promise to himself then, that he would never again make Jake think he wasn't good enough. That he would make sure Jake knew how much he meant to Paul, no matter how many times he had to tell the other wolf how much he needed him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake was so tired, he just wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he was afraid of the dreams he might have if he gave in to his exhaustion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, and situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

Curled up in his bed, a pillow held close to his chest, he wished he could just put an end to it all. He didn't want to live through the pain of another day. Jake hated to be so cliché, but he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, and he felt as though his life would have no meaning as long as Paul wasn't a part of it.

He saw Paul's face everywhere, it seemed. When he finally managed to fall asleep, there Paul would be, telling Jacob how unworthy he was of his, or anyone's, love. He would wake up drenched in sweat, crying uncontrollably, and completely embarrassed by his own weakness.

The wet dreams were even worse. Everything would be perfect; Paul holding him close, whispering sweet nothings in his ear, thrusting deep and slow inside Jacob. It was everything he wanted, and as soon as he woke up and realized it wasn't real, he felt worse than ever.

Jake was so tired, he just wanted to close his eyes and go to sleep, but he was afraid of the dreams he might have if he gave in to his exhaustion. He stared out the window, noting that the weather suited his mood perfectly. Gray and black clouds dominated the sky, threatening a storm to come. He could hear the wind howling as it swept through the trees, battering the house so that it groaned in protest.

He heard the creak of his bedroom door as it opened, but he didn't look away from the window. Jake didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to hear anymore sympathetic words that failed to make him feel anything but anger. Nobody knew what he was going through. Everyone kept telling him not to pay attention to his dreams, that it wasn't his fault that Paul had rejected him, but Jake couldn't see another reason for his imprint to refuse him. And if his imprint, the one person he was meant to be with forever, didn't want him, why would anyone else?

And then he was seeing Paul again. What, was he having hallucinations now? _Great, now I can't avoid seeing him even when I'm awake! _His sarcastic internal monologue was not helping at the moment. Jake was surely going to go crazy if he couldn't avoid Paul's acerbic comments even in his waking hours.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the vision of Paul standing in front of his window, looking so beautiful with his muscled bare chest and stomach gleaming in the sparse moonlight. Jake braced himself against the harsh words that the imaginary Paul would no doubt start spewing at any moment. It wouldn't stop the pain that exploded in his chest every time he heard his imprint's voice telling him that he was unworthy, but he couldn't help but try.

"Go away," he whimpered quietly, feeling stupid for talking to someone who wasn't real, but he couldn't stand to look at that gorgeous face and then listen to the horrible words that always came soon after his imprint appeared to him.

When the hallucination failed to speak, Jake dared to open his eyes again, and was surprised to find Paul much closer than he'd been just moments ago. And then Paul crouched down by the bed, not even two feet away from Jacob, and it was so hard not to reach out to his imprint.

_It's not real, it's not real, it's not real…_

He repeated the words over and over to himself, because he didn't want to go through this again. He couldn't handle it. He couldn't deal with getting everything he'd ever wanted, and then having it ripped away again. And if things went the other way, he couldn't handle the harsh words that came from Paul so often in his nightmares. He didn't want to hear how unworthy he was, or how impossible it was for anyone to love him. He knew already.

The fear of hearing those words again was almost overwhelming. His breathing got faster, his heart beating so hard it felt as if it would escape from his chest. Jacob's chest ached, but it didn't feel the same as the pain that came from being away from Paul. He couldn't catch his breath, and he didn't know what was happening.

_I can't breath! Why can't I breathe? What's happening to me?_

He could feel the sweat coating his body, but he was trembling with cold. He had to close his eyes as a sudden attack of dizziness hit him. Everything was happening so fast, and he still couldn't catch his breath.

_Am I dying? It feels like I'm dying…_

Jake hugged his pillow more tightly, gasping for breath, trying to calm his racing heart. But nothing was working. The fear was consuming him, wrapping around his mind and squeezing the life right out of him.

_I don't want to die…_

It was his last thought before he felt strong arms wrapping around him, and then a deep, soothing voice spoke directly into his ear.

"Breathe, Jacob. Deep and slow, okay?"

Somehow the voice penetrated his mind even through the panic, and it felt as if the voice controlled his every move as his body automatically obeyed the command. His breathing evened out, becoming slow and deep. Some of the tension left his body, the pain in his chest letting up just a bit.

"Alright," the voice continued. "Now think of something really good, something relaxing, like the ocean. Picture yourself on the beach, watching the waves roll in to lap against the shore. Feel the breeze as it brushes against your skin."

Again, Jake did so automatically, not even having to think about it. He could see the vast ocean laid out in front of him, hear the waves as they rolled in toward the shore. He could even feel the sand sinking between his toes, and it soothed him. His body relaxed even more, his heartbeat becoming a slow and sure staccato in his chest. The voice hummed approvingly, and he could feel a warm hand rubbing his chest and stomach in soothing circles. He snuggled back into the warm body, not even caring who it was, just that they were making him feel better than he had in ages. He stopped shaking, his body soaking up warmth from the person behind him.

The fear dissolved, disappearing as rapidly as it had come. But the relief didn't last long, as he slowly recalled the reason for his abrupt panic attack. He had seen Paul, in his bedroom. He had been dreading the outcome of the apparition's visit.

His body tensed as he realized there was a person behind him, in bed with him. Who was in bed with him, holding him so close? It had to be another wolf, since the body temperature was way too high for a human. But why would one of his pack mates be holding him like this, with a hand still slowly rubbing over his chest and belly?

Did the hallucination still have hold of him? Was he just imagining the presence at his back and the soothing hand still caressing him? But what about the panic attack? He didn't know what the hell was going on. Everything had happened so quickly, and now he was confused, and scared to find out the truth of everything that had happened since Paul had appeared in his room.

And then the voice was back, and it caused his body to relax without his permission. There was only one person he could think of who would have such control over him, and he so badly wanted Paul to be real. For his imprint to actually be holding him close, whispering calming words in his ear.

He started up his mantra again, still unable to accept that his imprint was really at his home, in his bed. "It's not real, it's not real, it's not real…"

The hands stopped stroking him, and he was flipped over to face the person who had been holding him. As he had thought, Paul's handsome face greeted him. Could an apparition turn him over like that, or had he just imagined the hands lifting him and turning him over? Had he rolled over by himself?

Paul cupped his cheek with one hand, the other wrapped around Jacob's waist, holding him tight against a hard, warm body.

"I _am _real, Jacob," Paul whispered, stroking Jacob's face gently. Jake turned into the caress unconsciously, loving the soft touch on his face. But no, it wasn't real, and Jake had to remember that. His imagination was playing games with him, trying to get him to give in and accept Paul's comfort. But if he did, he would only be hurt later on, when Paul disappeared and he was left all alone again with his broken heart.

"No, no, no," Jake mumbled, shaking his head jerkily. "Just my imagination, it's not real, just trying to trick me again…" He kept on with the denial, because he really wanted to give in and believe Paul was here, but then it would just hurt when he was gone again. God, what was he supposed to do?

"Jacob!"

The word was said kindly, but there was a commanding note in Paul's voice that made Jacob meet his eyes immediately. To make matters a whole lot worse, there was such sincerity shining in those gorgeous black eyes that Jake almost gave in. But then he remembered how it felt every time Paul left him at the end of his dreams, and he was determined all over again not to give in.

"Jacob, I need to explain some things to you. You need to know why I stayed away from you for so long. Please, Jacob, you need to listen to me."

Paul was pleading with him? Jacob bit his lip, trying to figure out what that meant. Paul had never said something like that, not in his dreams _or_ nightmares, and the sadness in his tone was unmistakable. Was this actually real? Had Paul come to make it up to him? But no, that didn't make sense, because Paul had rejected him, had refused to let Jake into his life at all. Surely Paul wouldn't have done that just to change his mind? Jake looked up at Paul, chewing at his lip in agitation. Paul rubbed his hand up and down Jake's side, probably trying to calm him down again. Why would Paul do that if this wasn't real?

"I'm just going to say what I have to say, and I really hope you listen to me," Paul told him, sounding completely serious, his eyes still sincere. "I really didn't want to hurt you when I said we couldn't be friends, but I had to keep you safe, I couldn't let something happen to you because of me."

Paul's voice was strained, and Jake could see how Paul hated himself for what he'd done to Jake by rejecting him. He could feel his eyes filling with tears, unable to stand seeing Paul looking so sad and hurt. Jake knew Paul had done it to himself, but he couldn't stand seeing his imprint in pain. This had to be real…there was no way Jake's mind could pull such an elaborate prank on him. He had to believe this was real. But why did Paul think that being friends with Jake would get him hurt? That didn't make sense.

Paul cleared his throat, no doubt trying to speak through a lump of emotion. "My dad used to beat me before I became a wolf, before I was able to defend myself. He still beats my mom," he almost whispered, his voice coming out broken. "I didn't want anyone to know, didn't want to see pity in anyone's eyes when they looked at me…that's why I never ran away."

He paused there for a moment, and Jake assumed he was trying to compose himself. There were tears rolling down Paul's face now, and Jake wrapped his arms around his imprint, trying to sooth him with his touch. Paul gave him a small smile, and took a deep breath to continue.

"And then I phased for the first time, and I started fighting back. The old man stopped hitting me then, because apparently he only wants to fight with people weaker than him. I could have left then, but I didn't want to leave my mom there all alone with him, and she won't leave him. She wouldn't leave him even when she knew he was hitting me!" Paul's voice cracked, and Jake could feel the tears start to drip down his own face, feeling his imprint's pain as if it were his own.

"I'm not going back this time," Paul stated forcefully. "He'll probably kill my mom now that I'm not there to protect her, but I can't go back again. I can't handle hearing them fight anymore, and I can't make my mom leave. There's nothing I can do to help her." Paul's voice was cracking with his grief, and his body was now trembling. Jake pulled Paul closer, wrapping his arms and legs around him and resting his cheek against Paul's, noting that both their faces were wet with tears.

Paul sniffled, but continued on with his explanation. "But none of that is the actual reason I stayed away from you," Paul admitted, clinging to Jacob as if afraid he would bolt if Paul let go. "I was afraid I would end up like my dad. I didn't want to turn you into someone who's afraid of the one person they love above all others. What if I end up like him, an alcoholic who tries to make himself feel better by beating on people who are weaker? Not that you're weaker than me, but I can't see you ever fighting me."

Jake pulled back a bit, tipping his face back to meet Paul's eyes again. "You would never hurt me, Paul," Jake said seriously, his voice rough. "Do you think you would have gone through so much to protect me just to turn around and start beating me? I don't think you're even capable of doing that."

Paul looked as if he was considering Jake's words, but his eyes still betrayed his worry. "But I get so angry sometimes, and I can't always control myself. What if I hurt you by accident?"

"I can protect myself, Paul," Jake said dryly. "Have you forgotten that I can shift faster than anyone else in the pack? I don't think you could seriously hurt me." It was true. Jake was the true alpha, and he was the largest and strongest in the pack, so there was very little chance that Paul could seriously injure him, even if he tried.

"Are you sure?" Paul asked, still sounding worried. If nothing else, the fact that Paul was so worried about hurting him proved to Jake that there was little chance of it actually happening.

Jake nodded. "I honestly don't believe that you could ever hurt me. And do you think my dad would let you near me if he thought I would be in danger? Wait," Jake paused, realizing that he had no idea if anyone knew Paul was here. "Have you even seen my dad?"

"Yeah," Paul muttered, sounding sheepish. "He's the one who brought me here. He's the only one who ever knew about my dad. He tried to get me out of my house once, but I wouldn't leave. He said pretty much the same thing as you just did, that I would never hurt you."

"Oh…so where are you gonna stay now that you won't go home?" Jake inwardly hoped that Paul would just stay here, and then Jake wouldn't have to worry that every time his imprint left, he wasn't coming back. But then, Jake wasn't sure how his dad would feel about that.

"You're dad said I could stay here," Paul said, suddenly sounding excited. But then his expression abruptly fell again. "Unless you don't want me to." Paul looked down, refusing to meet Jake's eyes.

Jake lifted his imprints chin, ducking down a bit to meet Paul's gaze. "Of course I want you to stay here," he said. "I don't ever want to let you out of my sight again."

***

The tension finally drained out of Paul's body, leaving him feeling completely exhausted. He hadn't even dared to hope that Jake would forgive him for rejecting him, and now his imprint was holding him close, and promising not to let him go again. It was more than he deserved after hurting Jake so badly, but he was grateful, _so grateful_, for the chance to make it up to him.

"Can I hold you while we sleep?" Paul whispered, just wanting to cuddle up behind his imprint and stay there forever. The pain in his chest was finally letting up, the never ending pull gone now that his imprint was so close.

"Yeah," Jake answered, already sounding sleepy, turning over and snuggling back into Paul's chest. Paul wrapped his arms around him, relaxing into the soft bed. He buried his face in Jake's silky black hair, the woodsy, masculine scent soothing him.

He had been so scared when Jake started having a panic attack. Seeing Jake so upset, unable to breath properly, his heart pounding hard and fast, body slicked with sweat and wracked with shivers. That something so serious had resulted from Paul's rejection, had made Paul feel so much worse about his behavior. He had meant well, but that didn't excuse him from taking responsibility for the pain he had caused.

Paul was never going to leave Jake again. Not that he wanted to, but he might be tempted if Jake would be safer in his absence. But now that he knew how much pain Jake had gone through, Paul couldn't see himself letting his imprint go ever again.

He closed his eyes, listening to Jake's heart beating sure and strong, letting it lull him into the most restful sleep he'd had in weeks.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His imprint didn't look peaceful, as Jake would have expected after finally giving in to the imprint. Instead his forehead was creased, his brow drawn down into a deep 'v'. Even in sleep he looked worried about something, and Jake could only guess at the reason.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, and situations belong to Stephanie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.

There were no dreams, which struck Jake as odd since he'd been having either nightmares or wet dreams every single time he let sleep claim him since Paul's brutal rejection. That was his first clue that something wasn't right. He wasn't quite awake yet, though, so he couldn't pinpoint exactly what the problem was. He kept his eyes closed, unwilling to let the morning light interrupt his contemplation.

He was warm, _too warm_, which was saying something for a wolf with higher than average body temperature. He tried in vain to get his sluggish mind to cooperate; to tell him what it was that was different this morning. The question he should be answering was: _Why am I warmer than usual?_ It was a simple question, really, but answering it would require his brain to wake up and pay attention.

And that was another clue. Lately, while he _had_ been sleeping, it had been anything but restful, and every time he woke, his mind jumped immediately to thoughts of Paul. There had been no sluggishness, no sleepy nonsensical thoughts, nothing that would suggest that he had actually had a good night's rest. The depressing knowledge that his imprint didn't want him had been his first waking thought each and every morning, until now.

Now, he was just trying to wake himself up enough to figure out what the hell was going on, what had changed. Because the one thing Jake did know was that something had changed, something wasn't right.

The soft moan that came from behind him in the next moment confirmed that thought. Jake stiffened, only then noticing that there was someone plastered to his back. The arm wrapped around his midsection tightened, trying to pull Jake even closer to the warm body behind him. He had a vague sense of déjà vu, but he ignored it in favor of trying to figure out just what the hell was going on.

Who was sleeping with him, and why? The previous night was a blur to him, and Jake tried in vain to remember what could have happened to bring about his current situation. Until now, Jake hadn't realized how much Paul's absence had affected him. Hadn't noticed how hazy and unobserved his days had been. Jake couldn't recall who he had seen, what he had done…the past however many weeks were a continuous fog that he couldn't begin to penetrate. He couldn't recall anything beyond the pain of Paul's absence.

And that led him to realize something else. The pain in his chest—the agonizing stabbing and twisting sensation he had been living with for however-the-fuck long—was no longer there. No pain. Now _that_ was cause for worry. He had been living in constant pain ever since his imprint had refused him, and now it was just gone?

Jake knew, deep down, the reason for his sudden lack of pain. He _knew_ why he had slept so soundly during the night, but he wasn't quite sure he could accept it just yet. Not when the fog in his mind was keeping the full truth at bay, when Jake wasn't sure how to bring back the memories from last night. They were trapped at the back of his mind, pushing at him, begging for him to acknowledge them, but he couldn't bring them forth.

The truth was out of his reach, and the only clue he had was the presence of a warm body at his back. A warm body whose identity he knew, but was unable to accept. Not just yet. Not when he couldn't remember how Paul had ended up in his home, in his bed. Not when the sting of rejection was still fresh, if not in his heart, then in his mind.

Speaking of his mind, it was fucking with him big time right now. Why the hell couldn't he remember what had happened last night? He could sense that some things had been resolved between him and his imprint, but he still had no recollection of what had happened. And he wanted to know.

He wanted to know why Paul was in his bed, holding Jake as if he had never refused him. Why had Jake let him stay here? What reason could Paul have possibly had for rejecting Jake so harshly, for refusing to give Jake anything, not even friendship? There _must_ have been a good reason, because Paul would never have been allowed to stay here if there wasn't.

Okay, Jake had to admit to himself that he would have been willing to accept any measly amount of affection Paul was willing to give him, but he couldn't say the same for his father. Billy wouldn't have even allowed Paul into the house without a damn good explanation for his previous behavior.

Jake's heart swelled at the thought that his imprint might actually be here to stay. But he pushed those feelings down, unwilling to let himself get too excited until he knew exactly what had happened last night and why he couldn't remember it.

He turned slowly, not wanting to wake Paul, but he had to see his imprint's face. Paul shifted, his hand moving to rest on Jake's lower back, but didn't wake. His imprint didn't look peaceful, as Jake would have expected after finally giving in to the imprint. Instead his forehead was creased, his brow drawn down into a deep 'v'. Even in sleep he looked worried about something, and Jake could only guess at the reason.

Did Paul have doubts about himself, just as Jake did? Was that why he had stayed away for so long and refused the imprint? Jake could only guess, but he thought maybe Paul's reasons had something to do with the nightmares Jake had been having. Not in the sense that Paul felt Jake didn't deserve him, but just the opposite. What if Paul felt that he was undeserving of love, and that was why he had pushed Jake away? He couldn't be sure, but Jake sensed that he had figured out at least part of the reason for Paul's ass-like behavior toward him.

He thought of Paul's attitude in general, how he never let anyone get too close. How he was always picking fights with other members of the pack and getting worked up over such small things. Jake didn't know where Paul lived, had never met his parents. He had never even thought to question it before, but now that he thought about it, it seemed odd that there were people on their small reservation who he didn't know. Or maybe he did know them, but had just never known that they were related to Paul. It was still strange.

_There were tears rolling down Paul's face, and Jake wrapped his arms around his imprint, trying to sooth him with his touch._

It was just a flash, but Jake could see the image in his mind clear as day. It must have been from last night…it seemed too real to be anything else. Was it part of Paul's explanation? Things kept adding up to support his conclusion, but Jake wasn't going to make any assumptions.

He studied Paul's sleeping face, trying to force some more memories to the front of his mind, but nothing was coming to him. His first flash of memory hadn't really told him much. Pretty much the only thing Jake had gotten out of it was that Paul had been in enough pain to warrant Jake's comfort. And that was saying something, when Jake thought about how much pain Paul had caused him.

Jake brought a hand up to Paul's face, stroking his smooth, russet cheek with a feather-light touch. His throat closed with emotion when Paul unconsciously turned into the touch, nuzzling Jake's hand. Paul obviously wanted him, even if previous actions implied otherwise. The only thing Jake had to find out was why Paul had gone to such lengths to deny their imprint. He didn't want to put Paul in a painful position by forcing him to explain all over again, so it was up to Jake to reclaim his memories. Unless…

His dad must know at least some of the reasons Paul had rejected him, so maybe if he heard what Billy knew, Jake would be able to remember the rest. It was worth a shot, anyway.

***

It was ridiculous, the way Paul and Jake were acting. He was aware that most of the blame fell on Paul, what with the rejection and refusing to be Jake's friend and all. But Jake shouldn't have given up so easily. He should have seen that Paul's entire attitude was a front, something he used to keep people from getting too close to him. Hell, it was easy enough for everyone else to see, even if they didn't let on to Paul that they knew.

Okay, so they didn't know everything. Prying into his life when he was so obviously trying to keep them out would be counterproductive. The only thing they knew for sure was that Paul didn't want them to know where or how he lived, which probably meant that his home life was far from phenomenal. And any one of them would have tried to help him if they thought he would have accepted it, but they knew he wouldn't. Letting on to Paul that they were onto his little act would cause him to push them even further out of his life, and none of them wanted that to happen. Even if he was an ass most of the time, Paul was still a member of their pack, and they needed to support him.

Seth sighed, resigned to the fact that there wasn't really anything he could do to help. There was nothing he could do about Paul. Like he had said, as far as he knew, nobody knew where Paul lived, and none of them were stupid enough to invade his privacy. If they really wanted to, someone in the pack could find Paul's house easily enough by scent alone, but it wouldn't help anything. In fact, it would probably make things worse.

He also knew what Jake's problem was. And the notion that Jake was undeserving of love was the most ridiculous thing Seth had ever heard. But Jake obviously believed it, which was just…_unbelievable_! How Jake could think such a thing, Seth had no idea. Except he kind of did.

Seth had visited Jake countless times in the past couple weeks, and there was no way that he could have missed Jake's constant nightmares. The ones that made him whimper and cry out. The ones where he mumbled outrageous things like, 'Why am I not good enough for you, Paul?' or 'Why doesn't anyone love me?'. Seth knew Jake was referring to the romantic kind of love. There were lots of people who loved Jake as a friend or a brother or any number of other platonic ways.

But the thing with Paul had happened at a time in Jake's life when he was already unhappy about a number of things. Jake hadn't wanted his transformation into a wolf. It made him feel like a monster, forced to stay away from his best friend for fear that he would lose control and hurt her. And when he learned that the legend of the _cold ones_ was true, there was yet another reason to resent the fact that Bella loved Edward more than she would ever love Jake. Edward was a cold-blooded monster, and even that couldn't stop Bella from choosing him.

Seth didn't completely share Jake's opinions on the Cullen's, but he supposed Jake had more reason to dislike them than he did. They were the reason the pack had been formed in the first place, and since Jake didn't want to be a wolf, he was no doubt blaming them for the change. Seth, on the other hand, didn't mind being a wolf. In fact, he thought it was pretty fuckin' awesome! He would grow big and strong and be able to protect everyone in the tribe from enemies (if anyone ever bothered to attack them, that is).

He and Leah had gone through the change shortly after Jake, and before Seth had really even had time to enjoy it, the thing with Jake and Paul had happened. Even in the short time he had been a wolf, Seth had been able to learn things about his pack mates that he would never have known if he wasn't able to take a glimpse into their thoughts. That's how he had learned so much about Paul. The guy hadn't been around much since Seth had joined the pack, but he had been in pretty much everyone's thoughts. They were all angry with him, but some were of the opinion that he must have a good reason for pushing Jake away, that he wasn't a complete asshole. No one knew how to help.

They had all tried to console Jake at some point, but it never worked. He never even seemed to notice that he wasn't alone. Most of the time he just lay in bed, clutching his pillow to his chest and staring off into space. He either ignored everything people said to him, or he just didn't hear it. It was sad to see someone who had once been so animated and happy reduced to such a state.

So anyway, Bella's was the first rejection, even if Bella had never actually said that she wasn't in love with Jake. Well, Seth supposed that she had never said that. Personally, Seth thought that Bella was in love with both Jake _and _Edward, but her love for Edward bordered more on obsession and was harder to let go of. It still counted as a rejection in Jake's mind, obviously.

So first he's rejected romantically by Bella, and then Paul refuses to have any kind of relationship with him at all. Pshaw…who looks at that and takes it to mean that no one could ever love them? Jake, obviously.

And even though Seth didn't see anything he could do to help, he would continue to visit Jake every day, if only to make sure he was still alive and to try and show him that his friends loved him. He had always looked up to Jake, and that wasn't going to change just because he was going through a tough time. He had spent countless hours listening to Jacob's plans to woo Bella before his confidence had wavered, and he wanted to be around when Jake came back to his senses.

Jake was like a brother to him, and Seth wasn't about to give up on him, or let him give up on himself.

***

"_Go away," Jake whimpered quietly, and the look on his face was heartbreaking. It was painfully obvious that Jake couldn't believe his own eyes, which were now tightly shut, that he didn't believe Paul was truly standing in his bedroom. Paul felt worse now than ever for making his imprint go through this, for staying away from him for so long._

_Paul didn't say anything, but he took advantage of Jacob's inability to see him, moving closer to his imprint. He needed to make his imprint see that he was real, that he was here to stay, should Jake still want him. Paul knew that he didn't deserve Jake's forgiveness, but he hoped for it anyhow._

_Jake's eyes opened again, and widened in surprise when Jake registered Paul's sudden nearness. Paul crouched down by the bed, not two feet away from his imprint, and watched the contradictory emotions warring within Jake's eyes. He could see the longing, and the fear, and the disbelief. He waited quietly as Jake struggled with himself, wanting to see what Jake would do. How he would handle Paul's sudden appearance._

_Suddenly, Jake breath came faster, too fast to be normal. Paul's imprint clutched at his chest, obviously struggling as his breathing became labored. Jake was panicking, his eyes wide with fright, wondering why he couldn't breathe._

_But Paul knew. On top of the shortness of breath, Jake's body was dewy with perspiration, and he was trembling. Paul had seen his mother have a panic attack enough times to recognize the symptoms. It was bad enough watching his mother suffer through it, but to see his imprint so frightened, unable to breathe, shivering uncontrollably…it was agony._

_Jake swayed, apparently hit by sudden dizziness, and Paul could only watch as Jake grasped his pillow, gasping for breath. He could see how frightened Jake was, and he tried to remember how he could help his imprint make it stop. And then the answer hit him like a bolt of lightning, spurring him into action. Paul ignored his own fear, focusing only on Jacob and how to get his imprint's panic under control._

_He climbed onto the bed, moving behind Jake so he could wrap his arms around his imprint without any awkwardness. Moving his face right up next to his imprint's ear, Paul spoke, making sure his voice was soft and steady, careful not to betray his own fear of the situation._

"_Breathe, Jacob. Deep and slow, okay?"_

_Paul breathed a sigh of relief as Jake's breathing evened out and he felt some of the tension drain from his imprint's body._

"_Alright," Paul continued. "Now think of something really good, something relaxing, like the ocean. Picture yourself on the beach, watching the waves roll in to lap against the shore. Feel the breeze as it brushes against your skin."_

_Paul could tell Jake was listening by the way his body relaxed even more, his heartbeat becoming a slow and sure staccato in his chest. Paul hummed approvingly, moving his hand to rub Jake's chest and stomach in soothing circles. He silently thrilled as Jake snuggled closer, seeking comfort. Paul allowed himself to relax as the final vestiges of the panic attack faded away, leaving Jake loose and pliant in his arms._

_Seeing Jake so afraid, so obviously vulnerable, had made Paul feel even worse about his past behavior where his imprint was concerned. He had stayed away thinking that it would keep his imprint safe, thinking it was for Jake's own good, but his plan had backfired. Jake was a shell of his former self and it was entirely Paul's fault._

_It had only been a few weeks, but Paul could tell that Jake had lost weight, the solid muscle of his imprint's body not as bulky as it once was. It killed him to know that he had caused this, that his rejection had caused Jake to question his own sanity. He wondered if this was the first panic attack Jake had suffered through. Had this happened other times, when there was no one around to help him through it?_

_Paul was brought out of his thoughts when he felt Jake stiffen against him. He kept up the rub of his palm against the smooth skin of his imprint's chest and belly, trying to sooth him. Jake's breath started quickening again, and in an attempt to stave off another panic attack, Paul whispered soothing words against Jake's ear._

_Jake's body relaxed again, but Paul could tell it was an automatic reaction. His imprint had most likely recalled the reason for his recent panic attack, and now he was back to wondering if his mind was playing games with him._

"_It's not real, it's not real, it's not real…"_

_Paul squeezed his eyes shut at the pain he could hear in those words. Jake was trying to keep himself from hoping that Paul had changed his mind, Paul knew. Because hope could be a cruel thing when it never led to anything, and Paul could see that his imprint wouldn't be able to take much more disappointment. The pain would eventually cause him to break, and then he would end up doing something stupid, like ending his life._

_Paul heart constricted painfully at even the thought of Jake dying, and he vowed to himself that he would never cause his imprint such pain again._

_He stopped with the soothing strokes—which obviously weren't working too well anyway—and flipped Jake over to face him, noting the questions and confusion in his imprint's eyes. He cupped a smooth cheek, moving to wrap an arm around Jake's waist and pull him close._

"_I am real, Jacob," Paul whispered, stroking Jacob's face gently, loving the way Jake moved into the touch. He could see that Jake was still struggling though, by the look in his eyes._

"_No, no, no," Jake mumbled, shaking his head jerkily. "Just my imagination, it's not real, just trying to trick me again…" The denial continued, making Paul wonder what it would take to make his imprint believe him. He could see by Jake's expression that he wanted to give in, to accept that Paul was really there to apologize and beg for forgiveness, but he didn't want to let himself hope again. It was understandable, but it still hurt. And Paul knew he deserved it._

His face was wet with tears when he woke; brought on by the painful reminder of all the distress he had caused his imprint. He hoped he never forgot how much pain he had caused his Jacob. He would gladly suffer through his recent nightmare over and over again if it prevented him from making anymore stupid mistakes. If it prevented him from causing Jake unnecessary pain.

It took him a moment to realize that he was alone. In Jake's bed. Had Jake changed his mind? After a good night's sleep did Jake decide that maybe forgiving Paul wasn't such a good idea after all?

He sat up, looking around the small room. Nope, Jake was definitely gone. Why would he have left Paul alone in here after everything that had happened last night? He didn't understand. But before Paul could get too worked up, the door creaked open, Jake slipping into the room quietly and pushing the door closed behind him.

When their eyes met, Jake hurried over to the bed, apparently worried at the sight of Paul's tear-stained cheeks and swollen eyes. Paul sighed in relief when Jake threw his arms around him, and buried his face in his imprint's neck to inhale the warm, masculine scent.

"I thought you changed your mind," he whispered, clutching his imprint desperately, not wanting to let him go ever again.

Jake's arms tightened around him, and Paul was able to relax a bit. "I couldn't remember anything when I woke up," Jake murmured, resting the side of his face against Paul's head. "Last night was a blur, and I started freaking out all over again. I didn't know why you were here, but I knew something had changed. I only left because I needed my dad to help me remember what happened. I didn't want you to have to explain everything to me all over again, because the one thing I _could_ remember was that you were upset last night."

Paul placed a soft kiss against his imprint's neck, loving him for his selflessness. Paul had caused his imprint more pain than he could even imagine, and yet Jake had gone out of his way to avoid hurting Paul. He didn't deserve such kindness, and yet, he was beyond grateful for it.

"Thank you for giving me another chance," Paul whispered, bringing his face out of hiding to meet his imprint's eyes. And his eyes filled yet again when he saw the love shining in those warm brown eyes. Love that he didn't deserve, love that he had rejected, love that he would never again turn away from.


End file.
